


Growing Pains

by just_a_sunflower_girl



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Casual Discussions of Murder, No beta we die like dehydrated worms, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Time Travel Fix-It, some completely original content right here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_sunflower_girl/pseuds/just_a_sunflower_girl
Summary: The Hargreeves siblings unfuck the world through shenanigans and patricide.





	1. click your heels and wish for home

It had been one week since Five had left.

 

After the second day, Reginald had stopped grumbling about childish behaviour and the extra training Five would be enduring upon his return. On the third day, the kids caught on that Five wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon. On the fourth day the portrait was commissioned. On the sixth it was hung on the wall, it didn’t look anything like Five. By the seventh day they were expected to fall back into routine, their mourning period was over, Five was gone and they had work to do.

 

Breakfast had begun the same as it always had and always would. Mom rang the bell and they all filed in slowly, standing behind their chairs completely still as they waited for Reginald to tell them to sit.

 

They sat in silence. They ate slowly. The empty chair beside Diego reminded them all of exactly what had happened. There was no way to pretend it didn’t, no way to pretend that Five was still here. Not when there was an empty chair, a glaringly obvious fracture in their makeshift family.

 

* * *

 

Five felt the world bend and shift around him, he felt the ground trembling and his siblings hands tighten around his own. The sounds of the world dying, of the people screaming and crying as everything burned was muffled, drowned out by the thrumming, swirling power that encased them.

 

Five felt like he was being torn to pieces slowly, then mashed back together rapidly. He didn’t know if this would work, he didn’t know if he’d live to see the outcome. He knew he had to try.

 

He’s sure if he had the energy, he’d be screaming but as soon as it started, it was over. The energy faded and Five felt weak. He couldn’t feel his siblings hands in his own anymore.

 

And suddenly, he was free falling.

 

* * *

 

Something in the air changed about midway through breakfast. It started with Vanya.

 

Her fork clattered against her plate and her eyebrow furrowed. The others paid her no attention. Then Klaus did the same thing, his glass knocked over spilling water across the table. He didn’t even attempt to clean it up. Diego was shifting in his chair, his knife gripped in his hand tightly. Luther was tensed, ready for a fight. Ben choked on the water he had been drinking and Allison gasped loudly, hand on her throat. Before they could be admonished for their disruptions, the sky opened.

 

Crackling blue flashed in the sky, wind whipped through the room. Pained screaming mixed with the sound of buzzing electricity. Then Five fell.

 

The sky closed, the wind stopped. The screaming and electricity silenced. Leaving Five, pale and shaking, gasping for air with his hand pressed to his side, blood soaking through his shirt and onto his hand.

 

“Number Five! What is the meaning of this!” Reginald shouted. Five looked at Reginald, then to his side, then back to Reginald.

 

He grinned, then he lurched forward suddenly, spitting blood and bile onto the floor and all over Reginalds shoes. Five slumped over, eyes closed and a sheen of sweat on his face, trails of blood still leaking from his mouth and nose.

 

The others stood, stock still and silent.  

 

It had worked.

 

* * *

 

Vanya felt like she was going to hyperventilate. She could barely remember what happened, flashes of people screaming, of her siblings in the air, of a gunshot ringing in her ear. Of burning anger seering at every part of her skin, tearing her apart from the inside out.

 

She had started the apocalypse. She had killed everyone. Blown up the moon.

 

Grace ushered them out of the room with a sweet smile. Vanya had killed her.

 

Five was on the table, bleeding and shaking because he had tried to get them out of there. Away from the mess Vanya had made.

 

Pogo rushed past them. Vanya had killed him too.

 

Grace closed the doors. The others stood outside of them. Allison was trying to see inside, looking worried as she tried to look through the crack in the door. She had hurt Allison, slashed her throat and left her to bleed out. Vanya felt like she was going to be sick.

 

She had hurt them, all of them. She had killed, hundreds, thousands, millions, billions of people. She was going to be sick.

 

“Vanya? Are you ok?” Klaus was by her side and Ben. Ben was alive, there and real and oh god. Vanya sobbed and choked. Air wasn’t coming into her lungs.

 

“Hey, Vanya, you have to breath ok?” Klaus guides her hand to his chest, taking a deep breath. Vanya doesn’t know when she had sunk to the floor. Her back pressed against the banister of the stairs.

 

Klaus held her hand to his chest, breathing in deeply and counting.

 

“Come on Vanya, breath, just like this” he says. Vanya copies him. She counts her breathing, in and out in time with Klaus.

 

She focuses on the feeling of Klaus’ hand on hers, on the cold floor beneath her, on the wood of the banister digging into her back.

 

“I’m sorry” she sobs, when she has enough breath to speak again “i’m so so sorry”

 

Ben wraps his arm around her, holding her gently. Klaus joins in, then Allison and Diego.

 

“Touching people is weird” Ben murmurs. Vanya laughs, watery and broken but she laughs. The others join in.

 

Luther is standing awkwardly to the side and Vanya looks at him. She remembers being angry at him, she remembers being in the vault and feeling like she couldn’t breathe.

 

She’s still angry at him but anger wasn’t going to get her anywhere good. It just got people hurt, herself included.

 

“Luther, don’t be a dick. Join the cuddle pile” she says, her voice small and wavers, holding no real authority at all. Luther complies anyway, wrapping his arms around Allison and Ben.

 

Vanya is angry, she’s upset and pissed off and guilt eats away at her insides but right now she’s ok.

 

They would all be ok.

  



	2. discussions of murder over hot chocolate and doughnuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lets kill him” Diego suggests
> 
>  
> 
> “We can’t just kill dad!” Luther says. Everyone turns to looks at him
> 
>  
> 
> “Why not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? taking anything I write seriously? not on my good christian Minecraft server

The clock ticked loudly in the silent room, a constant reminder of the time that Five was wasting, sitting in his bed with a tissue held to his still bleeding nose while Reginald sat across from him, cold eyes watching him with calculated disapproval. 

 

He had changed his shoes, Five noted. His grin was hidden by the tissue. The least Reginald deserved was some ruined shoes. 

 

He had been there when Five woke up, watching him with his hands folded in his lap. It had been creepy. He hadn’t said anything other than telling him to “grab a tissue Number Five, you will get blood on the sheets” 

 

Five didn’t say anything either. He needed to talk to the others first, to Vanya. 

 

Finally, Reginald decided he would speak. Five doesn’t know if that means he concedes or wins whatever game they had been playing for the past 20 minutes.

 

“Well, what do you have to say for yourself Number Five” he says. Five hasn’t heard or seen Reginald in years, hasn’t had to deal with the unrelenting stare or the harsh words of disappointment, he hasn’t had to take an order from Reginald, hasn’t had to comply or conform.

 

Five didn’t have to explain himself to this man, he had not had to explain himself to this man in years.  He wasn’t getting out of here until he did. 

 

“Time travel sucks” he settles for. Reginald looks at him with a distant smugness hidden behind his stern gaze. 

 

“I told you you were not ready. I do hope your little adventure will make you more cautious to heeding my orders next time” he says, positioned to be imposing “you have disappointed me Number Five” 

 

Five remembers, once upon a time when he had been a child desperate to prove something, that those words would hurt him. They used to cut deep, hook into his skin and tug at his mind. He had always wanted to be the best, Reginald was always the one to decide who was the best. 

 

It’s been too long now, too many years of unlearning everything he had been taught in this house of horrors, too many years surviving on his own to need that kind of validation. Too long since those words would ever hurt him. 

 

“Do tell me about what happened. I would like to draw up some theories, seeing as you proved you will not die instantaneously” Reginald says, ever the sentimental father.

 

Five shrugs, putting the reddened tissue to the side. His nose isn't bleeding anymore.

 

“Not much to tell. I tried to time travel. The universe didn’t like it and spat me out a week later” 

 

Five was a quick liar. He knew what to say that would satisfy Reginald's belief that his own hubris had been in downfall. He knew how to spin this into a lecture about obedience instead of a long winded and inevitably pointless argument about the truth. Even if it had been a long time, Reginald seemed to buy it perfectly fine.

 

“You will be punished for your insubordination Number Five. for now however, i expect you to rest. You will not leave this room under any circumstances, do you understand?”

 

“Of course father” Five agrees easily. Reginald stands, leaving without another word, shutting the door behind him. Five hears the click of the lock and Reginald's footsteps echoing down the hallway. 

 

He blinks out of the room in a dim flash of blue.

 

* * *

 

The others had convened in Allison’s room. Vanya was on the bed, tucked between Klaus and Ben. Diego was sitting on the dresser beside Allison who was actually on the chair. Luther was standing, leaning against the wall. 

 

“Do you think Five is ok?” Vanya asks, her hand was in Ben’s. 

 

They had all slowly come to the realisation that Ben was back, there and real. Allison had cried and hugged him for a good 10 minutes. Diego and Luther had poked him, testing and making sure he was really there, until Ben had swatted their hands. 

 

“He time traveled seven people over a decade into the past. He has trouble doing that with  _ one _ people” Klaus mumbles, playing with the ends of Vanya’s hair. 

 

“He threw up blood” Ben adds

 

“And his stitches were reopened” Diego says, idling with one of his knives. Vanya sighs

 

“I’m taking that as a majority votes no” she says

 

“For what it’s worth i think he’ll be ok eventually, just not right now” Luther says. Vanya smiles at him a little and he looks away quickly, guilt flashing across his face. 

 

Five blinks into the middle of the room

 

“We’re going to Griddys” he announces, as everyone jumps at is arrival.

 

“christ! Weren’t you dying like an hour ago?” Klaus mutters, Five turns to him and shrugs nonchalantly 

 

“what of it” he says “get up, we’re going to Griddys, family meeting”  

 

Slowly, they all get up, one by one heading out the door with mild protests about being comfortable where they were coming mostly from Klaus. 

 

“Why can’t we just have a family meeting here?” Luther asks, pushing himself off the wall and following them out the door nonetheless

 

“Because dad has cameras everywhere and i’m supposed to be locked in my room right now” Five says “hurry up, the bus comes in 2 minutes” 

 

It had been a long time since they’d snuck out of the academy to go to griddys but they knew the way like the back of their hands. Stay upstairs, stay quiet, take the firescape in the east wing to leave and the firescape in the west wing to come back. They had done it so many times as children that doing it again was just muscle memory.

 

They walked in a single file, close to the wall. Five would walk in front of them, because he could blink away and warn them if Reginald was coming, then it was Luther who was in charge of taking Five’s cues on when to turn around and usher them a different way. 

 

That was how they’d always done it and they’d never been caught before, which was odd given the way their household was run, but not once had their plan ever failed.

 

Vanya was the first down the firescape, then Ben, Allison, Klaus, Diego, Luther, Five. they stayed silent until they were all standing on the concrete floor of the alleyway. Then Allison started laughing and Vanya joined in, then Klaus and Ben, Diego and Luther were grinning from ear to ear. Even Five had a small smile.

 

* * *

 

Griddys, for better or worse, never changed.

 

It was late and quiet, the waitress behind the counter looked bored and tired, even mildly exasperated at the group of children in uniforms that just walked in, apparently too done with her shift to care enough to question it.

 

They slid into a booth, as out of sight as they possibly could. The waitress came over, a service smile on her face as she greeted them 

 

“Hi, what can i get you?” she asks

 

“Could we please have a plate of doughnuts and 7 hot chocolates” Vanya smiles sweetly, the waitress nods, returning the smile and disappearing to prepare their order.

 

“So what’s this family meeting about?” Klaus asks, his arm thrown over Ben's shoulder casually. Five rolls his eyes at him

 

“First order of business, Luther's an idiot” Five says, glaring pointedly at Luther 

 

“this isn’t a dictatorship. We all work together to decide things from now on” he continues, eyes still solely on Luther “No more locking up siblings, no more ignoring your other siblings when they tell you to let her go and no more accusing siblings of murder” 

 

“I’m sorry” Luther says, glancing across the table at everyone “i shouldn’t have done any of that, i should have listened to you all. I’m sorry i didn’t” 

 

“Yeah, well what else is new” Diego says, effectively breaking the tension as he turns back to Five “what’s the next order of business”

 

“We figure out Vanya’s powers. How they work, how to control them, those kinds of things” Five says, looking at Vanya, he holds out his hand “give me your pills” 

 

She obliges, taking the little bottle from her pocket and putting it in his hand 

 

“Do you think you should keep taking these?” he asks. Vanya shakes her head. She never wanted to take one of those fucking things again. 

 

“Great” he says, jumping just outside the window and launching the bottle onto the street, where it’s promptly run over. Klaus and Ben cheer, Allison claps. Five jumps back to his seat. 

 

The waitress comes over with their doughnuts and drinks

 

“There you go” she says, smiling her service smile at them before turning around to leave again. 

 

Ben takes a doughnut first, then another one before he’d even finished the first one 

 

“What? I haven’t eaten in years, let me have this” he says through a mouth full of doughnut when they give him weird looks. Allison laughs a little, taking a doughnut for herself. 

 

“What are we going to do about dad?” Vanya asks quietly, gaining everyone's attention “he’s not just going to let me start training or stop putting klaus in the mausoleum or stop making Ben use the monsters. He’s still going to hurt us however he likes, we have to stop him” she says. 

 

“Lets kill him” Diego suggests

 

“We can’t just kill dad!” Luther says. Everyone turns to looks at him 

 

“Why not?” Klaus asks “bastards already offed himself once, we’d just be speeding the process up” 

 

“As much as i dislike agreeing with Luther, he’s right” Five says, sipping slowly at his hot chocolate “we’re 13, the only other adults in our household are a monkey and a robot. If we just kill dad, we’ll get split up and put who knows where.”

 

“Not to mention we have superpowers, the world knows that the the umbrella academy exists, if he gets murdered we’re going to be the first ones they look at” Diego grumbles. Klaus looks a little uneasy 

 

“And dad doesn’t have a will or anything as far as i know, i don’t think he even believes he’s capable of dying before he chooses too” Allison says “we won’t get anything until we’re 18, even if we are supposed to inherit his belongings” 

 

“What about mom?” Ben asks “how many people know mom even exists?”

 

“No one” Diego says “At this point The world barely knows we exist. It’s been a week since Five disappeared, we only debuted a month ago. They don’t even know our codenames yet, let alone our actual names and they don’t know anything about mom” 

 

“So can’t we just, forge papers for mom? Make up a whole pretend life for her, then kill dad” Ben suggests. Five hums, downing the rest of his hot chocolate 

 

“If we kill dad, it has to be airtight” he says  “Diego’s right, if dad gets murdered we are the first people they’re going to look at and chances are they’ll deem us a dangerous threat and lock us all up somewhere” 

 

“So how do we stop that from happening?” Klaus asks, tearing a doughnut in half, chewing on one half and giving the other to Ben

 

“We need to find a way to make the world forget about the umbrella academy, to make them think we’re just regular kids that Reginald Hargreeves adopted out of the goodness of his heart instead of super powered child soldiers” 

 

“Ok, but we could still be split up even if we do manage to trick the world into thinking we’re normal” Allison says

 

“So we go with Ben’s plan. Make up a story about mom, forge a birth certificate and social security number. It won’t be that hard, it’ll just take some time then we can have Allison rumour dad into leaving everything, including us, to her”  

 

“Won’t people be suspicious?” Vanya asks and Five shrugs 

 

“Probably but if we do this right, it won’t matter. We’ll never be caught” he says, looking around the table “so, are we going to do this or not? Because if not, we’re going to need to think of something else”

 

“Can’t Allison just rumour him into being nicer?” Luther asks, apparently very uncomfortable with killing their dad

 

“Last time i tried to rumour dad he broke my jaw and made me wear a muzzle. I don’t think i’d even be able to get past ‘i heard’” Allison says “besides, i don’t think it’s possible to change him, rumour or not” 

 

“Yeah, luther don’t be a pussy, get on the patricide train with the rest of us” Klaus says, grinning at Luther. 

 

Luther's face screws up in discomfort before

 

“Fine. let’s kill dad” he mumbles, dropping his head in his hands in defeat. 

 

They all cheer this time. The waitress gives them a sharp look.

  
  



End file.
